It very rarely is a zebra. Why is that a problem?
How often do we get upset about things that actually do not matter to us at all? Before I went through my own coaching experience at I-Empower, I was an expert at getting upset: waiting in line at the post-office, dirty dishes that the husband didn’t put away, Amazon shipment delivered too late or cancelled, and so on. Then, one day, my coach asked me a simple but powerful question: Why is this a problem?
Yes, why actually?
When we ask ourselves this question about situations that bug us, we often find that they are not actually an issue at all. The problem is the squandered energy we expend when we get upset or waste thoughts on problems that aren’t problems. In medical school there is an often shared anecdote (it originates from the book series:https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_God) about how, when faced with diagnosing a patient, junior medical students typically never consider the most obvious. When faced with the sound of hoof-beats, they always think it is a galloping zebra first. They almost never consider the most obvious, that it just may be a horse. It is what our human brain does, even when we are not faced with figuring out a medical diagnosis but just try to make sense of our own feelings of overwhelm.
To pick up on the dirty dishes example, my husband has a tendency to start things and not finish them to meet my standards. These are, for example, the dirty dishes that usually only make it near the dishwasher, the laundry that has been taken down except three socks or the salted nut package that could be thrown away were it not for the four remaining pistachios still sitting in there. Why is that a problem?
I could also just spend the two minutes it takes to do it myself. If I want something done at a certain time and in a certain way, I have the option of doing it myself. Alternatively, I can appreciate the part where the husband actually did the laundry, hung it up, and folded most of it. And did not eat all the pistachios afterwards! Or I can spend two hours arguing with the equally exhausted husband about who does what and how in the household and how this problem is dooming our entire relationship. What is more helpful? How can I create more feelings of being in control for myself? Would it be healthier for me and for my relationship with my husband if I enjoyed the shit out of four pistachios, left for me by the lovely husband and served with a cappuccino made by myself for myself?
Often we think things are problems because we have high expectations about these situations and manuals for everyone around us – and there go all our zebras galloping out into the prairie. We may not even know where these expectations come from. Or how many stripes they actually have. What if we are free to change our minds at any time, to look at our own thoughts-animals with love and compassion? We may discover that it is not a zebra after all, nor that is it a problem that has to be solved.
If you also love zebras or feel like sharing your own dirty dishes with us, get in touch here:
We cannot wait to hear the sound of all your galloping thoughts. If you like to connect with us, we are available: schedule a free discovery call.
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